'The older generation is so insistent on passing their junk off as “gifts”': Mother-in-law insists on giving daughter-in-law her old cups even after she politely declines

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Aug 12, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Everyone with older relatives has been in the situation of being gifted something you didn't necessarily want. It's just something that you have to put up with when you have older family members. Plus, some of the stuff they give away is great. Some of my most treasured artifacts in my life have come from my family members. But not everything is a precious heirloom. Sometimes it's just a bunch of plates from the 90s that you don't really want cluttering up your house. But it can be hard to say no to people. You want to please them, and you want them to know how much you care. 

This is even more true about in-laws. You're usually trying to be on your best behavior with them. They've opened their family to you, and you're trying to make a good impression. But this isn't always easy to do. Sometimes, try as you might, you just don't get along. You've put effort into the relationship, but you're coming up empty-handed. You just can't seem to get off on the right foot. And it's not always your fault.

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  • An older woman gives a wrapped gift to someone.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what happened to this family, where a mother-in-law just wouldn't take no for an answer even when she knew she should. After trying to pass off some of her old junk to her daughter-in-law, they had a spat that spoke to something greater in their relationship. Read on for the details. 

  • AITA for refusing a "gift"?

    Husband and I were visiting my inlaws. We were getting ready to leave, and I noticed my MIL had a bunch of old coffee cups on the table. She's had these cups for years. She said that I should take them home, because I "didn't have enough cups for everyone",
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  • referring to the time I had the whole family over for the weekend. I said no thanks, and she kept insisting. Eventually I said I don't want old cups, and she stopped. I felt bad saying it, but did it to get my point across. A lot of our things are hand me downs, and have slowly been getting nicer things as the old ones break. I don't want to be stuck with these cups that I don't like.
    via u/guccicatlady
  • She's done stuff like this before. She's come over to visit us and left us a whole lot of snacks. We're big on snacks and we appreciated the gesture, until we realised everything she brought was long expired. I recognised some of the stuff she brought from their own pantry, I think she took the visit as an opportunity to clear out her pantry of stuff they don't want.
    via u/guccicatlady
  • For my birthday one year, she gave me a cookbook that's been sitting on her shelf for ages. I don't even like cooking. I feel like she doesn't think about what I want or like..
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  • AITA for refusing the "gift"? I just didn't want to feel like an after thought anymore. I haven't really talked to her since the cups, it was a couple of weeks ago.
    via u/guccicatlady

  • Commenters agreed that this was common, but still annoying.

    JustheBean • 9h ago NTA I don't know why the older generation is so insistent on passing their junk off as "gifts" instead of just donating or throwing it away. It's a common thing, but it's lazy and ride.
    via u/JustheBean
  • Altruistic_Degree660 9h ago She probably thinks the junk she gives you has value. My mil was a hoarder who brought a big bag of junk every time she came over. I just threw it out after she left. You have to choose your battles.
    via u/Altruistic_Degree660
  • An older woman sits resting her hand on her cane.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Irish DavelnCanada 9h ago . NTA, she should ask you if you'd want them, not try to offload them
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  • Bouche_Audi_Shyla 9h ago Isn't it nice knowing that your MIL sees you as a garbage disposal? Shoving her sh at you is the easiest way to get rid of cr p she can't force herself to throw away.
    via u/Bouche_Audi_Shyla
  • Rich-Caterpillar56419h ago NTA. You arent forced to accept gifts. I personally would have accepted and then banished the cups to the lands of neverseen just so I don't have to deal with the mom. Expired snacks however I would have thrown out asap. The book I would have declined by saying you don't like cooking so its just going to waste away.
    via u/Rich-Caterpillar5641
  • MaleficentFlan9849 · 9h ago . NTA. None of these things are gifts in any way. She's literally trying to get rid of stuff in the house and is passing it onto you instead of donating it to charity. The proper way to do this would be for her to ask you if you wanted these things, not try to force them
    via u/MaleficentFlan9849
  • onto you. It's okay to feel bad about it, but don't let those feelings let you cave in on saying no. Plus, you tried to say it very nicely the first time and she wouldn't accept your answer. You just had to be firm and I am very proud of ya for standing your ground.
    via u/MaleficentFlan9849
  • Ok_Ant_9815 · 9h ago . It's very easy to take a gift humbly and just dispose of it if you don't want it. If she followed up to ask about it later you can say "oh we actually didn't have a use for that item so as passed it on".
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  • My mom used to give me some pretty terrible gifts. when I was young and we were very poor. She was also okay with eating expired foods and always tries to avoid feeding capitalism, be eco-friendly, and shop ethically if need be. Some of her gifts I've kept for
    via u/Ok_Ant_9815
  • sentimental value despite their uselessness, and others I've just passed on. Last Christmas she gave me a bag of rice she probably had in her pantry. I still love her. I get that it's frustrating for you, but she has no power over you if you believe she is disingenuous and you choose to rise above it.
    via u/Ok_Ant_9815
  • lordmwahaha • 9h ago . NTA. For some reason this is a really common thing for older people to do. I don't believe in overconsumerism myself, but it often crosses the line into hoarder behaviour. Like they'll INSIST that you take this stuff, and yet no matter how much you take they somehow always have more.
    via u/lordmwahaha
  • And to an extent, that's exactly what I think it is. From my own experiences with it, I suspect it's an attempt to get rid of stuff without having to address the underlying hoarder tendencies that led to it in the first place. The reason they're ALWAYS getting rid of stuff is because they keep obtaining it. They're essentially using other people's houses as a second storage location.
    via u/lordmwahaha
  • MegansettLife • 7h ago . Oh, heaven's sake. "Mom, I can't use these, but I can drop them off at the thrift shop for you. ||
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  • RealTalkFastWalk 9h ago • NAH necessarily. It sounds like she just saw an opportunity to get items she hasn't used out of her house and into the house of people who might use them.
    via u/RealTalkFastWalk
  • PercentageCreepy2... • 8h ago NTA. And obvs I don't know her but maybe she was being genuine in wanting you to have more cups. My late grandmother would literally do this all the time. She didn't have extra money to buy things but if she came to my house and saw I didn't have
    via u/PercentageCreepy2653
  • enough cups for everyone, she'd definitely given me some of hers. Maybe that's why my perspective is a little different than others here. Although I agree she should've stopped offering them to you once you told her you didn't want them. Have your husband have a conversation with her about
    via u/PercentageCreepy2653
  • this behavior if it's something she does frequently & is causing you stress. I hope you're able to patch things. up.
    via u/PercentageCreepy2653
  • johnnyrememberme... • 9h ago NTA, and good for you for speaking up. She's using you to declutter and not making an effort to get a thoughtful gift you would like.
    via u/johnnyremembermeee
  • confusedFriendIsItMe .7h ago My Dad does this. He is downsizing and "gifts" people the things he has decided to get rid of. Some of it is nice, tbo, in which case I thank him and tell him I appreciate it. Some of it is either rubbish or not for me - in which case I tell him I have no use for it, but will give it to a charity shop if he wishes. Usually he then touts it around my siblings and then I take it to a charity shop.
    via u/confusedFriendIsItMe
  • BangBitch- 9h ago Tell her that someone could get more use out of those mugs/other clutter if she donated them to a thrift shop. Makes her feel better and gets her place. out of your
    via u/BangBitch-
  • janejacobs1 8h ago Your issue is bigger than any set of coffee cups. Some of the best advice I ever got is you can find out someone's true intentions toward you by observing what happens when you tell them no. When someone appears to offer you something, make a request or
    via u/janejacobs1
  • suggestion, etc, and accept your decline or difference of opinion with grace and respect, that's someone who truly values and cares for you. If your gracious refusal or disagreement is met with an attitude of anger, defense or otherwise turning it around on you for being selfish, ungrateful, etc., you are
    via u/janejacobs1
  • dealing with a manipulator at best, an aber at worst. Either way, it is a zero sum game-accept you can never win, or change or convince the person. Really bad ones will keep probing for you (and your husband's) weak spots. Intervals or instances of niceness or appearing to get along are just a set up to get you to lower you
    via u/janejacobs1
  • guard/resistance for the inevitable "next time." There's alot to learn online about emotionally controlling personalities-forewarned is forearmed. Your husband was raised and conditioned in this dynamic and may be fearful of standing up to her...you may be alone in this, but also possibly you can open his eyes.
    via u/janejacobs1

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